True Story Thursday vol. 6: The irony's the thing

Hast heard the criers on this April morn? Tis Talk Like Shakespeare Day in our fair burg, as our fair-hearted Duke Daley hath lately made known. By my troth, the Duke's as fair of heart as he is fair of face. And a ruddier snout ne'er graced a trough in all of Iowa! He's third or second of that lilied name to have stretched the mantle of our governance across his doughty shoulders. Which means, i'faith, twas the sixth or fourth tongue by that name to declare a holiday while his erstwhile boon companions took a holiday in shackles.

(cue Elizabethan laugh track--complete with some yahoo in the back shouting "Zounds! That's fulsome!")

Okay, okay, I've had my fun. Writing Shakespearean style is cool, but exhausting! Without television and the internet as means of standardizing quips and catchphrases, Brits in Shakespeare's day had made witticism into a kind of sport. Being up on the latest turns of phrase was, I imagine, the cultural equivalent of being about to quote sports statistics (By the way, Amber, the Toronto Blue Jays currently lead their division at 11-5, so your pick of them to win the AL east looks good!) or make jokes by slightly altering quotes from popular TV shows (Mmm...snowclones). So writing in Shakespearean and doing it right means not just Elizabethan grammar and idioms--it means biting political commentary couched in elaborate but carefully non-treasonous insults!

Hence, rest of post = not Shakespearean.

Instead I will write about the delicious irony that has me (ironically) in a very good mood these last few April morns. Last week or this weekend, Pearl mentioned to me that the workplace of a friend of hers is hiring--a friend who works right here in the city! So on Monday I filled out an online application for them. It's a call center and the pay's not fantastic, but I figure, what the heck. I've applied for equally un-lucrative things, and if they're hiring right now that's my principal concern.

On Tuesday, I got a cold. A really wicked bad cold, complete with a nasal passages that were more effectively blocked than an NHL goal net and a sore throat that killed my voice and felt like I'd eaten steel wool every time I swallowed. Did I mention the job I applied for consists entirely of talking?

On Wednesday, the place called me up to schedule an interview. By that point I could actually croak out complete sentences, thanks to my fever having broken in the night. So was able to talk to the recruiter lady anyway, and we set up an interview for me on Monday.

If I hadn't been sick, I'd've set it up for tomorrow. But still! They are hiring and I will possibly be working soon! And despite the inconvenience I definitely appreciate the irony. Haven't been sick all year that I can remember until this week. Hey, who knows, maybe this'll be just the thing to rev up my immune system so I don't get sick after possibly getting a job.


jhedeen said...

Wow Crystal! That's great! Ok, so you know your mom would tell you to take zinc tablets (like eating a small piece of cement.) Your uncle David would recommend straight gin--just a sip. I've heard it told by a famous recording star that what really helps scratchy throat (not to heal it but to make it so you can talk or sing) is greasy salty stuff. So just before you interview you should try a few potato chips or something.

jhedeen said...

and don't talk Shakespeare--they totally won't get it. This is THEIR big break you know.

Fiat Lex said...

^_^ Ironically over the past few days I've been popping a zinc along with my daily vitamin. Gargled with the warm salt water a bit when the sore throat was at its worst. And since gin is what we've got, a few nights this week I've had a bit of that with limeade. Figured even if the gin was a bad idea, the limeade had some extra vitamin C in it, ya? But maybe on my way to my interview I should pick up some McDonald's fries or something! That should help combat any stray frogs I've got left in my throat by then.

Glad you liked the Shakespeareyness! Yeah, I don't think a call center would be interested in Shakespeare talk. They mostly want you to be able to read from a script and be very, very, very patient with callers who--shall we say--won't be devoting 100% of their brain capacity to stating their problems with clarity and pith. But hey, every job comes with its own unique challenges.

jhedeen said...

You are funny! Even if you can't talk, you can at least type! I'm sure all that stuff is helping :)

Amber E said...

Yay for possible job and feeling better. Love ya sis. I also find lemon in water or honey instead of lemon to be soothing. (Go Bluejays, whimsy should pay off sometimes). We should go see a Shakespeare play sometime when you feel better. I prefer the comedies. Okay, I'm going to get back to pretending to work. Muah, Amber

Lorena said...

You are good at writing Shakespeare. But I am glad you switched to contemporary, cause I can't understand Shakespeare for the life of me. It's hard enough understanding contemporary literature being an English as a second language speaker.

Hope you'll feel better soon.

Fiat Lex said...

Thanks Julie! :D Yep, it's a good thing my fingers didn't catch a cold too, or I'd really be up a crick. Heehee.

That is good advice, Amber. Ironically I haven't got any lemon tea, and that nice Wisconsin honey I got is long gone. (We shall sometime have to go back to Wisconsin to get more. And perhaps squeeze in some visits with our shopping, ja?) Though I think I might have some lemon juice in the fridge--I oughta lemon up all my tea today.

And yes, a Shakespeare play would be awesome! I have very fond memories of YSP performing Twelfth Night, but maybe we can find one we both haven't seen live yet. The Shakes has been around long enough there's gotta be cheap performances somewheres.

Thanks, Lorena! Yeah, understanding Shakespeare is way easier when a) English is your first language, and b) you read a lot of the King James Bible as a kid. I imagine it's about as difficult as it would be for an English speaker who'd learned modern Spanish to read the original Cervantes. Lot of linguistic water under the bridge since then.