giving thanks

In love there is no low or high point,
neither consciousness, nor the lack of it.
There is no leader, no shaikh, no follower,
but there are hidden ways, sleight of hand, and revelry.

~Jalaluddin Rumi, Rubaiyat 674



I wished a lot of customers Happy Thanksgiving yesterday, but I didn't post or write anything on the subject of giving thanks.

Since I started praying every day, I have tried--sometimes failed, when other feelings or thoughts intruded--to start each day by giving thanks. It is a shift in attitude which makes it possible to find and appreciate the good things in life, and pulls the mind away from worry about the future or brooding on the past. The presence of God, or if you prefer, the light of active joy which illuminates the experience of time, exists only in the present. A human being is in a sense a doorway through which change flows into the world. You are what you do, as Lois Bujold wrote. Choose again, and change.

With thanks, I open the door in myself to the best things in the world of the possible. And by choosing to rest myself in thanks and appreciation rather than blame or regret, I give myself permission to pour this possibility forth into time, to make it real. Every second I live, every moment in which blood and breath flow through my body, is another opportunity to choose, to change, to become a gate through which heaven can enter earth. That is why I give thanks every day. That is why no matter what happens, whatever grief or difficulty or challenge I must face within the circle of a day, for the time, for the gift, for the privilege and responsibility of bringing something good into the world through myself--for this I give thanks.

Today, in about half an hour, Dave will come over and pick up those possessions of his that I've been holding. We will look each other in the eye and know in person what I told him and we spoke of on the phone twelve days ago: that our partnership is over, that we are no longer a couple. I give thanks that I had the opportunity to be with him and for all that we shared; I give thanks because we are both truly much better people for having known each other. I grieve that it is over. I am sorry and I regret that I did not find ways to do more to stop what was between us from fading away as it did. At this point the best I can do with that regret is express it, and be resolved never to fail again as I did. But I still look back and give thanks that our partnership was what it was, that it was worth doing much and more to try to save, that it is worth grieving now in its end.

Honor to that which is no more. Honor to we who live and in living are given the gift of the chance to choose, to become, to pour forth, to change.

***

It's over now. We said goodbye, we agreed we were better people for having been together, and with that closure came forgiveness and mutual wishes for the best life has to offer. I will treasure the good there was in the time we had and he will do the same. When it comes to a moment where goodbye needs to be said, no one could ask for more. I give thanks.

1 comments:

Jule said...

Thank you for your beautiful explanation of a very difficult time in your & Dave's lives. So glad you could put all that feeling into words! We all do choose & change! So thankful for that. Love you both!