my ass got fired

So yeah, yesterday my bosses sat down with me and had a chat. Not the right job for me, will give good recommendations, want to send me out with no hard feelings. Bout as well as it could have gone. I just nodded a lot and said yes, I agree completely. Because I do. I've been hanging on out of sheer stubbornness pretty much since I got hired. Trying to do a job an order of magnitude more difficult than any you've previously held in a fast-paced environment while no one will tell you what your job is actually supposed to entail or explain to you how to go about it was never the part I liked. The part I liked was being able to almost manage to do it in spite of everything.

I told Mom on the phone last night (Amber and Pearl weren't home) just that I was "actively looking for another job". They are apparently being super nice about it and might (I'll ask tomorrow) be letting me tell people I resigned rather than got fired. Lady boss even called her dad's office and asked the manager there if the doc and his group needed anybody. Their physical therapy clinic is about to be looking for a receptionist; I said I'd interview for it but I'm none too keen on the receptionist gig.

Looking on Craigslist today was a little irritating for a similar reason. I felt like Goldilocks scoping out the porridge. Too big a job, too small a job. Red flags (to my eye) in the postings signifying a nasty boss, a truly ass-smashing level of busyness, or a company with no proverbial legs. Sent out a couple of resumes, but I don't feel too happy with my cover letter emails. I'll have to, grr, coordinate with Mom on what to put in those as I continue to apply for shit.

I feel a strange mixture of optimism and lack of confidence. I know I can adapt to all sorts of places and situations, but on the other hand I'm not too strong on having a "professional appearance!" or being "deadline-driven!" or any of that shit.

My big hope is that I can get something not too ass-smashing reasonably close by and still have enough time and energy to keep practicing with the stringy thing and start to practice writing more prose. Wanna start a band. Wanna write stories. Wanna be a shrink. Wanna be a teacher. Waah waah, working as an accountant is lame.