Emotional dynamics are easier to picture in terms of fluids. Any emotion can be imagined as a fluid; some are stickier (more viscous) and some less, some are more dense and others comparatively thin. I think by describing the variables of stickiness, density and temperature, it should be possible to develop a model wherein any emotion can be represented by an imaginary fluid. And as such, described mathematically, emotions' movements and forces can be understood in a way that resembles physical ("hard") science.
When I talk about the structure of the personality, I am also thinking of something that can be represented in terms of a model with characteristics drawn from physical science. The structures of the personality can and do act as channels, barriers, filters, furnaces. Whatever things can be done to a physical fluid most likely has an analogue in the movement and alteration of the imaginary fluids which represent emotions within a personality. Though I would not be surprised if the fluids comprising emotions have properties no material fluid exhibits.
The result I am working towards, when I think of Anatomy of Trust, is a model of the personality with the characteristics just described. I want the model to be able to describe the systems of the personality with a level of detail comparable to how Gray's Anatomy (the book!) describes the systems of the body. I want people to be able to form a mental picture of the inside of their personality which accurately represents what is going on. I want to encourage an engineering-type attitude, where an aspiring mental engineer can draw a diagram of portions of their own personality, can estimate flows, stresses, choke points, siphons etc and be able to embark on a course of personal change based on the analysis made possible by the model.
As it is I came up with one of those metaphors that describes how annoyed I am at my situation at the moment.
Sure, a person could work at this stupid restaurant all day and then come home and write poetry all night. They could also break rocks on a chain-gang all day then go back to their jail cell and practice the ballet routine they learned at the Joffrey.
I think the comparison is apt. My mind is strong, but it ain't that strong.
Zelda is good for keeping me sane. And I look forward to having Heroes IV again soon--the post office left a note that it's being held at a local depot and Dad's going to try to pick it up for me. However, I need to demand more of myself than maintaining right now. The warmer the weather gets, the more the envelope fills up with unattached energy. When I say envelope, I'm talking about the thing a material location has which is roughly comparable to a personality. Elizabeth Moon calls it the taig. In real life a taig has properties I don't even know the extent of my ignorance about. However, the level of ambient energy of a kind the personality can access appears to ebb and flow with the seasons. I don't know how much of this is the body's reaction to external temperature variations and how much is actually caused by things exterior to the self. But the upshot is that in spring, summer and fall I have more flexibility with how my personality is managed. Changes I attempt to institute are easier to pull through; when I crash from overload the bounce-back is quicker and more, I dunno, bouncy. So the onset of warm weather is a good time to experiment with emotional energy management.
And I want to be doing more things with myself. I am sure I can find a way to have enough left over to experiment with, to still be working like a fiend on "the work" even after being drained by regular-style work.
Which I must get back to now. Stupid everything.
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