Catch St. Louise! She's getting away!

Some advice to myself that I hope I will follow. Years of obsessing about invisible stuff (and watching others do it also) has taught me the hard truth of this:

After you have an epiphany, BACK OFF.

Spend at least several days NOT trying to do magic, not reading arcane texts, focusing your thoughts and energy on bills and stuff your boss tells you to do and whether the gas bill is paid and whether you've got your shirt on backwards. Get grounded. Hear that, self? It's good advice! Hell, it doesn't even have to be the boring parts of the visible universe. It can be things like rock concerts and what Etruscans ate for breakfast and how to make a cow-drawn cart with a handaxe. The important thing is to keep your feet on the ground and your hand on something solid. And remember that as far as live humans need be concerned, the visible world is stronger, deeper, truer than the invisible one. That the invisible world rises out of the visible like mist from the surface of a lake.

Yesterday I was on a fucking roll. Such an awesome mood all day. I was singing and chair-dancing and gabbling with people whenever I got the chance, and blazed through worky tasks (when I could focus on them) like a hot knife through butter.

I can tell I'm feeling the aftereffects though. I didn't crash--partly because I didn't burn myself out too badly! But you can see it in my sentence structure. Things that should be multiple separate sentences are all piled together and connected by commas, like my brain wouldn't let go of the thought until I ran down it all the way to the end. And of course you never reach the end of a thought as long as you're paying enough attention to stick it all together. Gaah! I'm still doing it!

Top 3 songs of yesterday:

White Stripes - Catch Hell Blues
Poe - Haunted
Soul Coughing - St. Louise Is Listening

I am doing more downlo@dz0rZing now.
Maybe music can be a thing for me and Dave to talk about when nonpayment forces me to give up cable TV later this month!

[time passes]

I knew I had to get to both the post office (to mail business tax forms) and the bank (to get a new ATM-only card and demand my next replacement debit card be mailed to the bank instead of my thief-friendly apartment mailbox) before each closed at 5pm today. My day was going reasonably well until the manager meeting adjourned 4:40. Since then I have been getting progressively more tired and surly and weepy and filled with rage. Exploding with rage. I want to bang my skull against a blunt surface until one of the two gets a big round crumbly dent in it and bits of whatever was inside spill out onto the fucking floor. HATE HATE HATE HATE. This emotion is inappropriate to display to anyone. I have not entirely been able to restrain myself. Shame merely pours gasoline on my hate.


Amber E said...

Regarding the beginning of the post, yay! Regarding the end of the post, meep, hope things get better.